A Drunken Meditation

6:44AM Friday November 17

I’m jamming out to Taylor Swift as I write my group meditation experience from yesterday.

Ok, so I need to lower the volume because I keep stopping mid-sentence to dance. Taylor Swift, I just don’t know how to quit you.

Ok volume has been lowered.

So let me tell you. Long story short: I took a Transcendal Meditation (also referred to as TM) course because I was going through (still am, let’s not kid around) self-identity crisis. I was going through a break up and going through some self esteem issues. And I needed to find peace and a quiet mind, STAT.

So yes, I paid the $700 to learn how to meditate with the TM technique. (FYI, it’s income based so you can pay as low as $300 and there are monthly payments, which I did.)

(Sidebar even with the low volume, I just can’t stop singing along…okay. FOCUS!)

So umm where was I? Ah yes, quasi mental breakdown so I started TM. Ok I have been meditating for about 2-3 months now, and I will say it has helped very much. It’s helped in many ways like when I’m in the quite space, old thoughts will come up that will surprise me and I didn’t know that was something that still bothered me, and maybe it doesn’t, but it’s still a thought that my brain spontaneously presents to me.

I had my first “unbounded consciousness” experience when I was meditating at work. I went to the usual private, quiet, lonely empty office I go to, and closed my eyes, breathed deeply, and said my mantra.

Before I knew, everything was just quite, and my mind felt like it was inside an expansive landscape…like just space and air. My brain was finally quiet and empty. No thoughts. Thank the lord.

BUT it only happened that one time and now every time I meditate, I’m a restless seeker looking for the same experience, but the more you try to make it happen, then it won’t. I gotta just relassss.

Anyhoo, so back to yesterday. TM Houston has Thursday evening group meditations and fock, the power of group meditation is no effin joke. Like seriously, all that energy and synergy is just controlled chaotic full big heavy, heavy energy.

I never felt it as powerful as I did yesterday. It was actually quite an experience and a deep but conscious meditation.

As soon as I closed my eyes, I immediately felt the vibrations and energies of the room. Like…hmm it’s hard to describe, but it was VOOM. Hmm you know when you see those movies if someone closes their eyes and all of a sudden they’re in another world and the movie audio/sountrack makes likes this VOOM sound? Well yeah that.

Not sure if that makes sense, but I closed my eyes and VOOM. We sat in meditation for 20 minutes and I still had plenty of thoughts through but there were absolutely moments of…something.

At one point, I felt like the room was spinning and I was trying so hard not to open my eyes because I didn’t want to break my meditation, but yes, the room was spinning. It was the same exact feeling after a drunken night of too many vodka sodas after going to see the drag queens at Tony’s.

When you get home and slump on the bed, and can feel the whole room spinning. Yes, just like that. And it felt like it was for like at least ten minutes but sometimes it’s hard to have concept of time in group meditations because they’re so deep. (With my individual meds, 20 minutes can feel like years or 20 seconds, depending on how I’m feeling, what I’m stressed about etc.)

Also, my hands and forearms felt really, really warm and numb. This almost always happens at group meds and occasional in my own individual meds. I actually like this feeling a lot. I know when I can’t feel my hands I’m in a different state, even if I still have thoughts flowing at 60 miles an hour. It’s my brain releasing stress.

The group meditation was much needed. The last several weeks I’ve had very surface, cursory individual meditations and even those are considered ‘good’ meditations because your brain and nervous system is allegedly relieving stress.

So we’ll see, I want to be able to have deeper individual meditations but I know that only comes with practice which I need to do more of, not just in the morning. With TM, you’re actually supposed to do it twice a day but I’ve been slacking.

Anyhoo that’s my drunken meditation experience. I’m off to werk!

 

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Call me what you want…I know I did one thing right

This is an old pic. I bought the new album November 10! The day it came out. Love it!

My favorite songs are

Call It What You Want

Are You Ready For It?

Gorgeous

New Year’s Day

I’m buying myself a gift.

Today marks another little decision that’s going to help big movements.

I finally, FINALLY created custom email addresses for my business instead of having the students email a regular Gmail account for questions or support.

Such an exciting moment for me!!

It was a bit frustrating because for a day I was going round and round in circle calling Shopify, GoDaddy, and Hostgator! Like twice.

But it helped that the customer service people were so cool, chill, and actually helpful. And if you know me, you know I’m ALL ABOUT customer service.

Welp, and I need to get better about celebrating milestones that mean a lot to me so tonight I will go to da store and buy a few little gifts I’ve been wanting to purchase.

Recently, I’m delved deeper into spiritually and finding inner peace and being happy now and all that yada yada, you probably hear a lot.

But hey it helps me. It really does.

Anyhoo, so I’m buying an amethyst and quartz. Amethyst helps with insomnia and anxious energy. Quartz helps cleanse the soul by regulating the energy around it. It wards off bad energy and is considered a healing stone.

So you probably thought I wasn’t going to get all woowoo but hello, it’s ME!

I’ll take some pictures and post later.

Thank you to anyone out there following my journey to build the life I want. I already have a great, amazing, incredible life. But who doesn’t want more of the good?

Sometimes Divine Timing Is Only 5 Minutes

My heart is beating so fast right now. I feel shaky and light and airy. I am a being with power. I am a being full of abundance. The world, the universe asks what it can give me. And I receive. And I ask what can I give back. I want to serve you God. Serve your highest purpose for me, serve your will.

 

A moment of testimony:

 

For almost a year I have been putting off a certain task in my business. A technical task that I assumed would be too techy.

 

So I pushed it away.


Pushed it away allll the way in the back of my mind. Until days passed, then weeks, then months. And I succumbed into this was how it was going to be. This was one thing I cannot solve.

 

7 months passed by that I left this task unattended. I finally decided to buckle up. And on one weekend I decided, I have one goal this weekend. One goal, one intent for the next two days. And it is to finally tackle this task no matter what it takes, and no matter how long. I will sit in front of this computer screen for as long as it takes.

 

I woke up (or nudged by God) around 5am that Saturday morning. I wasn’t working even 30 minutes when I figured out the task. Figured out how to complete it and move forward.

 

Something that I had been waiting for months upon months upon months, because I had convinced myself that this technical task was much too difficult.

 

I lied to myself until I believed it. And the fear became contagious and it enveloped me, it held me, it cloaked me, it killed me. A death.

 

But from death comes rebirth.

 

So I decided to push a little more.

 

Yet, when I finally decided to face this tiny task, I was presented with the utmost ease. I was able to set up the technical process for my website in less than 30 minutes. It was probably closer to 15 minutes.

 

As I write this, I feel this strange energy of disbelief and comfort and love. And taken care of by the universe. The universe truly has my back.

 

It shows me how much I am loved, how much it wants me to be prosperous. God I hear you. God I see you. God we are talking.


(Sidebar: I’ll write another post on this but everyday when I meditate I ask to feel God to converse with God and I’m realizing this is how the universe is speaking to me. This is how she is opening up dialogue with this soul called Grace.)

 

The ease of it all is quite incredible, quite magnificent and only of God.

 

Shortly after setting up that to do list on my website. I went to increase the price of one of my products because I realized it was undervalued.

 

I realized I was too afraid to charge what it was worth. And I told myself not to be afraid. I began to believe the worth in my products.

 

I believe in the value I am bringing to these students.

 

I raised the price and then …

 

5 minutes

4 minutes

3 minutes

2 minutes

1 minute

 

Passed by and I received an email that a new order had been placed. Yes, a new order for the product whose price I just rose.

 

5 minutes later the universe nodded her head at me and say, “Here you are, my love. You are moving in the right direction.”

 

God just thinking about it makes me tremble, makes my breath short and choppy.

 

I am of God, in anyway I imagine it. As long as my intentions are in alignment with the Highest Good, with His Will, and in knowing I want to serve the world.

 

I am everything I wish to be. I already am.

 

In this moment.

 

Wealth. Abundance. Love. Joy. Confidence. Power.

 

I am THAT. I am.